#TBT, I Guess

The last time I wrote a new blog entry was the month before I met my current boyfriend... just shy of 3 years ago. A wild relationship, security training, group therapy, a devastating medical diagnosis, a two year tenure (basically the entire lifespan of a Canadian division of an American company) as a security guard, one affair, two reconciliations, three apologies, and a children's book later, here we are.

I will not apologise for having been absent from this work. I do feel sorry but, everything I do, I do to further expand my creative reach. I have smashed through a lot of my earlier instability and wound up with a true stone on which I will begin to build my realised dreams. Whoa, right? I did not have all the faith I could have in this ever happening. But I guess that list should have included a few "thank you"s.

Here is a show of appreciation. From the 'vault' of my ridiculous stack of unlabelled CDs, I present three pieces of music and one song, all from approximately 15 years ago:

"Nothing On My Mind (Fond Farewells Mix)" - DJ epH

The original of this piece was one of my first attempts at Fusion. While I had turned my attention from Hip Hop and Pop recordings to Techno and Dance for a lengthy time, I missed the more organic snaps and fluting of my older library of sounds. "Nothing On My Mind" was all about trying to make the arrangement imply orchestration as much as I could. I was still young with my clipping of samples, so, it does not translate in the best possible way... but I still love it.

"Thinking of You" - DJ epH

Ah. One of my first songs ever written. It is sappy, and perhaps only half catchy, but the feelings were real. My challenge was in moving to recognise the difference between a familiar voice and a good voice. Some of my early struggles with singing were brought on by my attempts at sounding like the popular artists on the radio. Huge mistake. I had to go back and forth between loving my voice and hating my voice during my experimental phase. This song is less experimental than some of my others, but you can easily surmise from the overlay of varying harmony that I had no fucking idea what I was doing. Enjoy!

"Water Dancing" - DJ epH (I am not 100% on the title of this one. My dad may have to confirm, since he kept pretty much all of the original stuff I gave or sent to him. If it is not "Water Dancing", it was made within the same month.)

Fun, fun, fun! I spent a lot of moody introspective time trying to speak messages to people in my music & writing. This was one of those times when I was like, "You know, that's all good and stuff, but I'm bored of being serious all the time. Let's fuckin' dance!". And this was one of those first successful 'energy' pieces that led me to the belief: a better way of luring a listener in is to offer them something they want to take, rather than something you want to give. I wanted more fun. If it was good enough to give me a break, it seemed pretty useful indeed.

"Something to Hold On To (Full Apex Extended Mix)" - DJ epH

We end off with one of maybe 2 pieces of music I ever intentionally made entirely to satisfy myself on a deeper level. Hence the title. I was reluctant to share this version, but, it looks like I got over myself. I laboured over the original and its remixes for days... days and days and days. You will immediately notice the length (*wink*). This may have been one of my early attempts at pseudo professional levelling of separate audio tracks. An early attempt, so, again, it is what it is. But I started to want more for my music to do what I wanted it to do. If I wanted a spike here to solicit a moment, or a drop here to perpetuate anticipation, I was determined to figure out what knob, what number, what sense I had to master. Ears are not everything. A channel has to be open between you and your music. Something electric and spiritual has to communicate the potential success of each step that you take. So, please, be electric.