Largo

I am sorry for the delay between updates. As I have mentioned, this life-changing move was a crash landing... and I have had to make sacrifices. I won't beat around the bush; the biggest sacrifice has been a financial one. I was not financially prepared for this move, nor was I financially stable. So, from Day 1 of this 'new life', money has been a very serious issue. For those who have lived through similar experiences, I'm sure you can understand how even a decent job can become a source of understated inconvenience when the resulting income's scrutinization becomes necessitated.

Stress devours time.

With that blemish restated, let's move on to what's going nicely.

I do love the work I do. I enjoy talking to my customers about entertainment media, and helping them to fully appreciate their values in entertainment media. I have regular customers who ask for me, wait for my personal service specifically. It's nice. A good friend of mine once said he didn't think I could cut it in a high pressure retail position. My personal sales figures have consistently outshone those of my coworkers (and regional average), with some of my best results being more than three times the national average. It's nice to be able to feel that kind of professional pride. Don't get me wrong, though: my greater interest lies in the heart-to-heart and impassioning aspects of my position. Still, it's a big deal to me to be able to say that I've achieved balance and am good at my job overall.

Mastering the audio for 5.2 has indeed begun. I find that, in the extended absence of immersing myself in music, my ears (and aural preferences) have changed. It's just like riding a bike... if every time you got on it, your feet and hands were shaped differently. When I buckled down, 2.4's twelve tracks took only two weeks to complete. So, take heart. I'll likely put out a twelve-track online vendor edition of 5.2, shortly followed by a deluxe sixteen-track Official Carrot Factory Website exclusive (at high fidelity).

The place I'm now living in is great. It's bright, clean, and big. There are oversized windowsills which my cats are in-love with. And there's a real "dead of night" quality to it that's a stark contrast from where I was last living. My bedroom and living room windows overlook a gorgeous forested park. There aren't any tall buildings in the area, so sunrises and sunsets are particularly beautiful. I have yet to usurp the virginity of my new oven. But it's a promise that keeps me motivated.

Allow me to tell you a little bit about my day, yesterday:

I woke up early. I showered and had breakfast. I got my lunch, work clothes, and iPod ready. I went to work, and worked from 7:30 a.m. until 7:00 p.m.. After work, I went out with a couple of coworkers. We three caught up, hung out, chatted about random things. It was cool. We went to a restaurant I suggested, and had fake meat. It was good. When I got back home, I called my Aunt and we talked on the phone for a while. Then there was a robust amount of sleep.

The point of the story is that I'd never been one to live a 'normal' or simple kind of life. My art, my music, and my interaction with followers is important. However, after this crash landing, and being on my own for the first time, and having such a scorch mark on my financial credit... something simple and stable has become tantamount to everything else. I'm focussing on creating a balanced foundation on which I shall build the rest of my wonderful life. I've poked my head out of the curtain―now, you can see me―but it's really not my time yet. There's still a lot of work to do.

Rest assured, 5.2 is on its way. I'm stating only that my energy is presently limited to having to be thoughtfully managed. I can't afford the energy, money, or time to be making music videos, redesigning the website, arranging photo shoots, collaborating with other artists, drawing comic strips, mastering music, dating, taking care of two 'children', volunteering for youth work, and taking care of myself... while already working ridiculous hours at a job, trying to get in black with the angry suits. ... The bigger surprises are coming, largo.

Ghastly Freedom

So it's one of those things where one isn't sure how far is too far. And I recognize that friends and potential friends of The Carrot Factory may not want to venture into TMI territory. But I would hate to be misunderstood, and saying nothing would certainly leave a lot of room for that to happen. Here goes:

I have recently moved into a space of my own... on my own and through my own actions. I have never lived on my own before. The place I was last living in was a literal nightmare. And many people close to me asked me the same sort of question...

"Why would you choose to put yourself through that?"

"Why are you still there?"

"Why don't you just move?"

I am not a masochist. There was an old and destructive relationship involved. It was an abusive relationship. Despite what seemed logical, I chose what felt moral and tried as hard (and for as long) as I could to make or be a change. Evidently, I failed. My patience may be otherworldly but I did finally get to the point of saying, "Enough is enough!"

While preparing for my final departure I felt the need to retreat into myself.

Music, visual art, dramatic expression, and existential studies have always been a deep-hearted passion of mine, but my passion is what suffered the most during that painful time. I had been irked by how it has likely seemed as though I had only "released an album... dicked off after that". Really, it has been torture not feeling safe enough to create & express.

But my care for others shines like an acetylene torch and I felt I had to try... and try... and try. In the end, I realized how disrespected I am (by the other party) and wondered how my effort could ever find any worth.

So, here I am. It's almost as though I have to start over and introduce myself all over again, because I've never had a chance to breathe and choose for myself without that swell of negativity eating out my head and my heart. It really did make me a bit crazy. But that person doesn't deserve me. And I deserve this real life.

Expect a great many things from me. Expect passionate songs. Expect exciting website refashioning. Expect to encounter more of my wonderfully eccentric side. Expect a balance of art and living. ... Although, one might argue that living is an art. While some people don't have the gift, I intend to fully appreciate mine.

I'll need a little more time to decompress and dispose of the negative baggage.

Stay tuned.

The Creative Process

I don't have any medals, trophies, certificates, or diplomas to show for the dozens of years during which I have been here. I haven't set any records (of which I am aware). I don't have a group of friends. I don't have a loving family. But, what I do have is a strong sense of accomplishment. What I do have is a growing sense of pride.

The creative process, which emerged in the nick of time to save my life... nearly 20 years ago... took me along what felt like the longest possible route to developing a unique life to call my own. My individual definition of an artist has become: one who treats the heartfelt imagination as life itself, and considers each dream a precious child to be nurtured.

And I don't believe it could ever be right to abandon or abort a living child.

So it is that I dreamed. I let my imagination work in tandem with my instinct(s). Love rose above other feelings and seemed to rule all. This made for great songwriting. This made for good shoulders for others to cry upon. I was used plenty.

Then the creative process met its match. I also have the mathematical method by my side. These two took long to marry, but a persistent therapy has shown them truth. I benefit. I'm nearly a real boy. No strings. Warm and whole.

I owe thanks to few, but a few to whom I shall give it. That is the step after this present one.

You should know what it feels like to know yourself.

Spare any change...?

I'm kinda' hoping that this will be my only political blog entry.

It seems to me that many Canadians remain glazed, and are glossing over a seldom acknowledged truth, which is that power both can be transfigured and is held by each and all. Regardless of who or what group is instated, we each and all retain our individual potential for free thought and action. Stop, if you're thinking I'm referring to anarchy. I am referring only to the impact we each and all may have (at any given moment) on every thing around us. You believe in change so brightly? Be the change. Venture outside of your comfort zone and inspire those you meet to perceive more of what you perceive. If you haven't yet figured out how to accomplish this... you've just been suggested a new hobby.

Apathy has damaged the hope of many. We're all to blame. There is seldom a time when there is nothing else we can do.

Take care and hold on. And do/say more. Be the change.

The Power

Pretty much the two most exciting things to happen so far this year: today, I finally started drinking water again after weeks of being dehydrated but very-not thirsty; today, I changed laundry detergent brands.

I'm building up my passionate ideas for future projects within a magnificently large and beautiful pustule of creativity. Honestly, I could move tomorrow, and I want to move before picking up where I've left off with important projects. But there are all of these OCD-sired questions of timing and "what's best".

My day job is going fantastically (basically one of the most accredited salespeople in the entire region). I'm getting along with all of my coworkers, balancing a hefty social life with some strict responsibility, and saving more money than I can believe. Out of anyone I know, I'm in the best financial situation.

So―and, no, I'm not gloating... I'm only trying to put things into perspective―I'm at a true crossroads. Those who paint crossroads to be a fork or of a hand-countable number of options deserve a kick in the teeth. How dare they have misled me all this time. It's scary. A real life of my own? Really? Finally?

Up to me, eh? Of course it is. Damn right, it is! /* cue tumbleweed */

Anyway, a worthwhile mention in the vein of carrots and factories is that the whole album of 2.4 is available for free (and in HIGH quality audio) through the official website. If you haven't, maybe you should check it out.

http://www.The-Carrot-Factory.com/Hi-Fi.html

Take care.

Syntax Guessing

Looks like the second album will be piggybacked by the third. Just as I'd decided against waiting for the vocal tracks to be ready (instead, 5.2 will be comprised of 18 instrumental tracks), my computer decided that it did not want to go on living in this world. I've been doing pretty well, financially, and had already been thinking of getting a new computer. Unfortunately, in rapid succession, my only working pair of studio headphones decided that they did not want to go on living in this world without my computer.

Having to replace both a high-end media computer and high-end studio headphones is going to set me back in more ways than one. And I'm still independent on this project. Cross your fingers for my asking my boss for a raise, eh?

Meanwhile, a coworker is enthusiastic about putting together a street team to promote both her own and my music. Hopefully, this spring may be the second coming of 2.4. It'd be nice to feel a few drops of relief just to keep the inspiration motivated through to 'step 3', 'step 4', and so on. Tell your friends: someone honest is trying to make exciting original music!

And, yeah, I am still trying to push for this project to be more about an overall effect/impression than simply a listening experience. The website is being polished up wherever practical but I anticipate some noticeable changes in this quarter.

Take care! ♥